i've gone to the dark side Sunday, March 14, 2004 ok not really....but i got me self a livejournal account. but have no fear, i'll still use this account. i'm not ready to give up my purdy layouts. :D 11:28 p.m. grrr....i'm angry Monday, March 8, 2004 stupid, stupid stupid me....i could have done better but no. once again, i've disappointed myself but once again i've significantly affected my chances of getting into the uni i want. life sucks, deal with it. i AM dealing with it. pffft. i don't think i can wait another 2 months for admissions. i'm fraking out already. why can't they speed up this process faster? hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.< 06:19 p.m. !@#*$^&@^$(@! Saturday, February 28, 2004 don't look down on me like some sort of bug, i'm not who you think i am. you're no better than me and i'm no better than you. you act as if it was a joke but i don't find it funny. i'm not stupid, i have my own opinions. why do i even bother proving you wrong?! i don't need to but it still hurts. taunting me, with your not so innoncent laugh. this is hard. this whole frickin year but i put my trust in God. yay, march break soon. that means shopping for prom dress. *groan* i HATE shopping for dresses. i can never find the right one and shopping for prom dress will be a nightmare. i shouldn't be caring about prom. i don't care. i should just stay home and do some good wallowing or chick flick marathon. stupid year, stupid work, stupid prom. save me from going completely insane. 10:48 p.m. what motivates you? Thursday, February 26, 2004 school, stress you know...the works but i sometimes wonder what motivates people to do things or more in particular, what motivates people to do homework, to finish their project early? my only motivation i rely on is to prove my parents wrong, to prove that i'm wrong but sometimes that doesn't work and i'm left here, doing meaningless things when i should be doing something productive. 05:00 p.m. thinking ahead Saturday, February 21, 2004 i'm scared. about the future. i wonder what's going to happen to my life. everything is being determined and i'm so scared. my fear is growing bigger as i think about the weeks to come. the hardwork and meeting deadlines for forms. life will never be the same after this year. everything will be different in every aspect of my life. the more i think about it (financial needs and marks) the more i cry, literally. i've shed too many tears this year and i've been overloading my body with stress. why can't everything happen sooner? i want this over and done with. it's the slow pace that's killing me now. waiting and waiting... 01:20 a.m. i'm running out of energy.... Tuesday, February 17, 2004 too much to worry about...not enough sleep. dislike the fact people don't appreciate what he/she has and how lucky he/she is. will i or will i not, that is the question. Here's another quote i keep reminding myself. "Success to failure is one step but failure to success is a long journey." i have a long journey to go. 10:34 p.m. i love joan of arcadia quotes Sunday, February 15, 2004 Little Girl (God): Everyone has a part of themselves they don't like, Joan. You carry it around like a weight. The lucky ones realize that when it becomes too heavy, you can choose to set it down. That's when you can see things the way they really are. 10:35 p.m. >.< Sunday, February 15, 2004 sometimes....trying isn't just good enough anymore. 12:50 a.m. i need more time... Friday, February 13, 2004 i know it's just friday but already i feel i need more time. I need time for homework. I need time for me. just to rest and relax. so tired yesterday. no energy to even go home yesterday. stayed at yearbook till 6 and saw...err...some interesting pictures. o.O *sigh* back to work. 05:32 p.m. sleepy -_- Thursday, February 12, 2004 i hope all of you guys have a very restful and time to catch up on things long weekend. i need a break, i need sleep. must try not to drink loads of coffee. will become jumpy and pee a lot. please no more all nighters.i hate school. 10:07 p.m. yay :) Monday, February 9, 2004 
here's a quote i just love but not related to the book.
well, i'm over my depression from last week. joan of arcadia and church helped me. :) but i'm not sure how long this is going to last. next week, report cards. dum, dum, dum. 11:06 p.m. ramblings Sunday, February 8, 2004 ok i seriously need a layout change. i only did half of the things i wanted to do today. i watched when harry met sally again. that movie is great :). i wonder about things, like my life next year or should i say this year. uni is stressing me out. in the end i just hope it'll all be worth it. i also wonder about the people i'm with everyday. like steph said, there are just some people you want to keep in touch with after high school. to put it bluntly half of my friends (maybe even more) i'll probably never see again. sad to think but true. i'll be lucky to keep in touch with one but you know, it's not like i'm completely devestated about the thought. it's sad but not so sad. wow, i sound harsh and cold but it's the truth. i'm not gonna dwell on it. must keep on the right track. will do serious work tomorrow...err..i mean today..in the afternoon. 01:51 a.m. depressing two weeks Friday, February 6, 2004 i hate this week and the week before and the next two weeks. i hate three of the marks i got, the rest, i'm not complaining because people are doing worse so meh. i'm mentally breaking down and yeah, maybe emotional as well. i hate physics, i wished i dropped it. i was so blind. too bad there was no one to say "drop the course" and pressuring me to. darn, and it would've been a good time for some of that peer pressure. *sigh* i hate french. for the first time, i've been doing really bad in french. why? i have no clue. ok maybe a little clue but it's not like people aren't in the same situation yet they're getting so much higher than me. blah. i don't care about formal anymore. really. if i can't find a good dress than why bother going. but i'll have to since my parents paid all that money. bah. and i'm gonna hate shopping for a prom dress. i have this strong urge to reuse the dress i wore in grade 8 but there's too many ppl from Gordon going to the prom. bah. so Valentine's day is coming up. bah to that too. i never really liked that holiday. too comericalized. it's the truth. life sucks. i hope i get into the university i want to. am depressed too many times. am taking years off my life, not good. strange thing happened today. weird how ppl just add you on to their msn when you don't even talk to that person. need to find out if that person who recently add me knows who i am. must update resume for job. going to skip school for job fair. bah. i'm not making sense anymore so i'll stop right now. 11:45 p.m. prom theme Friday, January 23, 2004 i know it's a bit early but eh... Here we are at last
But tonight we'll reach for the stars
Here we are at last
But tonight we feel like stars
04:02 p.m. i wasted a night Tuesday, January 20, 2004 so yesterday was pointless. i didn't study for my exams. came home from yearbook and i watched american idol and underworld. yay, i'm ruining my future with every minute i spend wasting my time here and watching. go me. 05:21 p.m. let's review Saturday, January 17, 2004 ok what did i learn today. well, one thing is that i can feel very guilty about a lot of things. now on to bio.... water clings-->cohesion and adhesion
must not use pitas as a note place. i hope that everything works out for the best but i know hoping is just what it is, hope. it's nothing more. 10:58 p.m. post tramautic stress Saturday, January 17, 2004 No turning back the path has been paved cannot change what has already been done no room for you, right or left straight and ahead the path will lead you to your fate what lies ahead is what you determined actions speak louder than words no excuses it is determined oh, i found who wrote the poem from my last entry. it's by Mary E. Frye (1932). 01:01 a.m. Joan won!! =D I am not there. I do not sleep. I am the thousand winds that blow... I am the diamond glints on snow... I am the sunlight on ripened grain... I am the gentle autumn rain. When you waken in the morning’s hush, I am the swift uplifting rush Of gentle birds in circling flight... I am the soft star that shines at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry- I am not there... I did not die…”---Anonymous 11:20 p.m. Happy New Year! 10:02 p.m. wisdom teeth extraction 11:45 p.m. Merry Christmas 12:07 a.m. i hate french 12:46 a.m.
05:40 p.m. oh so sad... 08:43 p.m. x_x 11:05 p.m. ugh...second entry.,, 08:53 p.m. that's it, i'm giving up... 08:24 p.m. hehe.. thanks to steph. little prince is such a meaningful, deep and thoughtful story. i loved the story i made for it in french. truly one of my best work that i'm proud of.
bleh, anyways back to reality. come thursday, i shall be breaking out in hysteria and anxiety. physics and calc chapter test both on the same frickin day. must do well, risk everything.
current choices of uni
guelph is meh..it has good variety of science programs but i've been there and it's nice setting, great caf, decent dorms but the students...ehh..is questionable. to be blunt it's not mulitcultural and for some reason i need that. i need that other ethnic group to relate with. u of t obvious and a wishful prayer. macmaster..oooOoo la la...good program, good rep, has hospitals to volunteer or whatever you do there to help, yet still i have to live in dorms. money is a factor to me though in my view it seems that it's doesn't play a big deal in their decisions. oh well, it's their life and decisions. waterloo back up uni because of high 70s to get in.
i'm screwed. life is screwy. good day or night. 10:50 p.m. here's to.... 07:50 p.m. rotting your teeth with mmmgood candy and chocolate fun day aka. Halloween well, i still haven't fixed my code problem. maybe i never will >.> the code should be right, damnit! it's damn right, it's the computer. it worked before the whole screwed up server thing. damn you pitas. (but same time grateful for free hosting) umm...yeah. it's a love hate thing. o.O 07:39 p.m. darn you pitas! 05:54 p.m. |
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